Your dad touched me again.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
