he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Randomize
