thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
