best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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