I just saw a hot homeless man
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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