I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
