she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
