Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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