Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
