i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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