Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she pinky promised me she was 18
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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