oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
