just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
