Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
