Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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