Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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