I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
