This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
