I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
