Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
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I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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