Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
