Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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