I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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