All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He shit in the fireplace
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
