Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
