New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
