Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
send nudes
from the living room?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
