I can feel you judging me through the phone.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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