The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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