i need an iv and a liver transplant
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
