Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
