my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
