So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
