I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
