Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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