fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
