it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
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I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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