I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
