You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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