My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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