just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
