she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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