taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
