Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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