I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
