wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
