He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize