he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
