We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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