I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
