I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
