hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
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You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
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Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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