fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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