Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
