Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
