I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
