Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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