May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
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