True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
