I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
