Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
