So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
