im about as happy as oj after his trial
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
