Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
