Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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