Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
