I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
