Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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