why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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