I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
