If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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