Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
