I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
