and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
